Dating someone who is a recovering alcoholic
If the relationship becomes serious, it would be helpful for the partner to work a 12-step program to gain insight into the disease of addiction and codependency that often accompanies it.” Because relapse is most common in the first years of recovery—leveling off at about five years—Faulkner cautions that those who are sober be cautious about dating people who imbibe.
“If you’re talking about someone with good sobriety dating someone who is a casual or responsible drinker, there isn’t necessarily a problem,” she says.
“I hung in there for a few more months but the truth is that I really wanted to drink during that time: He and his friends made it look so appealing.
If he had just drank the way he wanted to from the get-go, I surely never would have ended up getting in a semi-serious relationship with him.”Hindsight is, of course, 20-20.
When we started going to more parties together, I saw him staring somewhat lasciviously at the alcohol.
So I said to him, ‘Hey, don't not drink on my account.’ That opened up the floodgates: Suddenly, he’s getting smashed all the time and we’re going on group dates where everyone but me is getting wasted.”Amy found herself deeply in like after six months of dating, though her gut told her the relationship was dangerous.
Carroll offers, “Most alcoholics know places that don’t serve liquor—coffeehouses, museums.
If you’re going out to dinner, it’s okay to wait till you arrive, and when the wine list arrives just say, ‘Nah, I don’t do that anymore.’ Do it casually; whether to go into greater detail or not really depends upon the relationship.”Amy, a 32-year-old stylist who lives in Manhattan and has been sober for 10 years, tells of romancing a particular “normie,” who turned out to be anything but.
“We had very civilized, nice dates but, after a while, I started to catch onto the fact that he really did drink—he was just trying to control his drinking and never indulged around me.Should you follow Faulkner’s advice and ask your beloved attend meetings?Do you invite him or her along to socialize with your sober posse? Bring your questions to everyone you know with more sober experience: Ask your sponsor, your sober fellowship, and, if you’re the praying type, pray for guidance.Either accept the glass graciously and then put it down, or simply say, “No, thank you, I don’t drink.” Honestly, most people aren’t as concerned with your drinking as you think—and if they are, they may have a problem themselves.As therapist Carroll says, “People need to learn to have fun and deal with real-life situations in sobriety.